very strange
When Aprilia is at home shes always busy at something or other, I’m just sort of there to read the instructions on things and read stories really, once she’s reading I’ll be surplus to requirements most of the time! She may not be terribly keen on reading a lot of the time but she’s usually qutie happy to do her puzzle pages, will do science til the cows come home and usually listens happily to the fact books even if she fidgets through them - she’s proved it over and over when she suddenly pipes up days later about something I’ve read.
However, it seems when she is elsewhere she is expecting the adults to entertain her constantly. First my mum and dad mentioned this, along with comments about short attention span and resistance to doing "school work", then Lola mentioned it yesterday along with a comment of maybe she needs to go to school for a bit of stimulation and discipline. Harley confirmed that last time he was there when Lola had Aprilia for the day she seemed to flop about a lot complaining she was bored, expecting attention and entertainment and refusing to do any brain work at all.
I just don’t get it! When I ask her about visits she says she’s had fun, done lots and so on but that’s not the picture I’m getting from the adults involved. I'’m somewhat at a loss for what to do about it all. Lola has supported me in HE up til now and agreed that it was what was best for Aprilia so for her to suggest school is a real kick in the teeth.
Ho hum. Anyway, today I read her the Island Story about the second time the Romans tried to annex Britain which led onto discussions about the difference between copper and steel (Britons having copper weopons compared to the Roman steel weopons) Then she had a Flower Fairy poem so we talked about wild roses compared to the hybrids in Grandpa’s garden. Then she read 3 little books to me which was a real valient effort on her part and took her the best part of an hour to do. Then there were puzzles and TV and crafts in the afternoon and a bit of Daddy time. The day was topped off with her watching Time Team from Sunday as she had been too busy playing to watch on Sunday but insisted we didn’t erase it until she could watch it!
Funnily enough I’m learning a bit about how D is different when I’m not around at the moment from various people who look after him while I work. If I didn’t know they were describing D I’d barely recognise the child they talk of.
I’m trying to view it as positive, that they are developing their own personality, forming a way to be without my constant supervision or intervention.
For me it also reinforces that HE is right though. I imagine this is some sort of phase of the whole expecting adults to entertain her but the start of adjusting behaviour and showing different sides depending on where she is and who she’s with (which we all do). Just imagine if it was as school she was demonstrating that attitude. It frightens me that my children can be so different without me and the idea that I might only learn about that from a parents evening, after they had been displaying such a different side to them for a whole term is slightly scary.
Sorry to hear it’s led people who’ve previously been supportive to question HE for you though - maybe a chat with Aprilia about the impression she’s creating would help?
Comment by Nic — April 4, 2007 @ 6:51 am
you have no idea how much better that makes me feel Nic! I am sure it is something to do with being 6 you know, grown up teeth coming through with the added pressure of “look after these, you don’t get any more”, body starting to mature away from that toddler shape, everyone saying “gosh don’t you look grown up” etc etc Of course, the arguement goes that if she was at school she would be “entertained” all day although I’m not sure she would call it that….
Comment by Administrator — April 4, 2007 @ 8:25 am
I would also be asking myself what the previous 6 years’ worth of interactions between Aprilia and these people have been like. If she’s had years of them fussing over her, devoting lots of time to her, then obviously she’s going to think that’s what happens when she’s with them.
Comment by Alison — April 4, 2007 @ 11:14 pm
I think it is good that our kids have a unique relationship with us that is not straightforwardly reproducible with others, and that they view others as individuals to have an individual relationship with. I agree with Alison, that Aprilia has prob been realtively fussed over y present detractors.
perhaps one option is for her to choose an activity she wishes to take to do with them, and a book or 2 for when they want some quiet time - chosen by her. SB usually takes a mudpud bag to Nana’s - though often does other things instead. But it may concentrate her mind to choose well, and theirs to know there is a default.
Also to them suggest they think of a couple of activities they would like to do reg with aprilia when they meet, so that she does have an idea of the ‘new structure’ - since that is what they seem to need, and perhaps emphasise they don’t need to teach her = you have that well under control!
Comment by HelenHaricot — April 5, 2007 @ 12:10 am